Saturday, August 13, 2016

An unexpected source of humor

Every morning I get up and do my morning routine.  Stretching, affirmations, planning and solitude, gratitude log, and read the Bible.

If that last one offends you - you should stop reading this post right now.

So today I'm reading about Elijah in the book of 2 Kings.

The king gets on the wrong side of God and falls and is hurt.  He's in bed.  Elijah tells someone "Go tell the King he's going to die in bed".

The King hears this and tells one of his guards "Hey - take 50 guys and go arrest Elijah."

The guard does as he's told.  They get there and say "Come with us" and Elijah says "No - but here's some fire for you..." And all 50 of them die.

So what does the king do when he hears this?  He sends 50 more!  Because you know... It was probably accidental fire from heaven, and the next 50 will arrest Elijah.

Nope - they get barbecued too.

So the king calls captain 3 and sends 50 more.  And I'm thinking "Is everyone an idiot?  Is this guard going to DO this???"

It turns out the guard is a little smarter.  He goes to Elijah - but says (in effect... We're using the Barth version).  "Look - we don't want to die...  If we don't bring you back - the king will kill us... But we know about the fire, and that doesn't sound fun either...  Will you come back please?"

Elijah comes back, tells the king "Yep, you're gonna die in bed", and he does.

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