Wednesday, May 6, 2020

Visit to my cardiologist / the Phil Barth diet plan

I have mentioned my cardiologist (Dr. Brooks Gerlinger) before - he's hilarious and a great Doctor.

Yesterday was my annual check up.

A couple of days before the check up I got a call asking if I wanted to make the checkup an e-visit. I declined. As much as I'm good with staying home I didn't really see how they could do an EKG via Zoom.

Besides - I lost weight in the past year. And unless they were going to have me step on my home scale, I couldn't prove that.

(Pause for self reflection: If I hadn't lost weight in the past year, would I have taken an e-visit, even though it meant no EKG? Hmmm.)

After passing the COVID-19 temperature check test at the front door (97.2 - that's my normal) I went to the office. They took an EKG, took my blood pressure and (most importantly) got my weight.

When Dr. Gerlinger walked in I could tell that he was smiling (through the mask). "Wow! 18 pounds! How did you do it?"

"Well, you know, diet and exercise. Also not wanting to visit you more than once a year."

That was true... but it wasn't the entire story.

In October 2019 I stepped on the scale. There was about 10 percent more of me than necessary (I weighed 214 lbs to be exact).

When I had my heart attack in August 2015 I weighed 216.

Two pounds away from 216 and heading to the holidays is not a good weight.

So I wrote a contract with myself.

  1. I will record everything I eat every day.
  2. I will finish under my target calories 90% of all days (this allowed for Thanksgiving, Christmas and maybe another party or two.
  3. I will hit my target exercise numbers six days a week.

And (here's the important part): If I break any of these items I will take (an unnamed person) to lunch. And I'll buy.

The unnamed person is someone who is the anti-great things person. It's someone that sucks the energy out of everyone else. Someone who thinks the world revolves around them. Someone who lies. Someone who I haven't had to deal with for over a year, and someone who I never want to deal with again.

And I will do this until I weigh 195.

Take the unnamed person to lunch? I'd rather eat kale.

Every time I looked at a cookie I saw this person's face.
Every time I looked at a doughnut I saw this person's face.

I called my diet plan "Here's a buck because you suck".

And I now weigh 195.

You may not know a person like this. But maybe you have strong political leanings. What if you promised yourself you would send money to the OTHER political party if you didn't keep your diet?

(If you just answered "I would never do that" then you might not be ready to do it. And that's fine - you might not be two lbs away from your second heart attack either).

There are also websites that will help you do this diet method.

Additional notes:

The person is not on Facebook.
The person does not read my blog.
Still, I'm not going to give clues as to this person's identity. It's not important.

Credit where credit is due: I got the idea for the diet plan from the Stephen King story "Quitters Inc."

(And yeah, if I hadn't lost the weight I would have gone e-visit).

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